Anonymous Guest- How Ugly Duckling became a Golden Swan!

I’m keeping this guest anonymous as I respect her choice. This is a very different experience for me as an interviewer. I felt very heavy hearted at times during the interview, but at the end when I finished this interview, I felt very proud about her achievements. She is a woman of courage and wisdom. Feeling proud to publish this interview this Navarathiri where Goddess Durga is venerated.

Hello Mam, please tell us about yourself.

I was born and brought up in South Tamilnadu. I’m working in a big IT firm in a top position. I'm not happily married to Mr.X and I have a grown up daughter. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother.

All my siblings are married & settled. My father passed away at the age of 40 due to illness. My mother was a working woman and she took up the responsibility of educating and settling us down.

Tell us about your childhood.

The day a girl child is born, all the trouble on earth starts in and around her. If she is born with a dark complexion, life becomes horrible for her. The same happened with me. 

If a girl with dark complexion is born in south India, you need to undergo the worst torture in life. I underwent continuous teasing and was ignored by my own family members including my own mother citing my complexion.

This led to me to confine myself to one corner of the house and that was when I started reading each and every book I could get. I made books as my world. 

Other than studies, my books gave me happiness.My reading habit helped me to score well and I stood as a meritorious student in school and college. 

In school, I wasn’t even allowed to participate in dramas and dance as I was dark. But all these didn’t deter me and I was blessed by God to rise higher and higher.

I got admission into Engineering course and I was the first in the entire family to get into a professional Course. I remember my grandmother taking me out and telling everyone that I was going to study Engineering.

That’s so ridiculous, Complexion! Tell us about your next stage of life!

Once I completed my Engineering, I was forced to get married as my parents wanted to finish off their responsibility. My complexion left its impact there too. Every time I was reminded that I was dark. 

When I was pregnant, I prayed God to give me a fair girl so that she does not have to undergo this torture. God gifted me a beautiful princess who is very fair and so cute. Now the world has started teasing whether it is my child. 

Okay! Your Marriage phase of life? You would like to share.

I’m married to a man whose taste and choices are so very different. His first priority is his mom and dad. His wife and kid is next only. He never encouraged or helped me in anything till now.

What do you think is a reason for this?

He thought I will not grow like this to this level. He could not accept my career growth and earnings which was more than him. I was sometimes physically abused and beaten up badly.

How did you overcome that?

I had to get up by 4 in the morning to cook for 2 times and leave for work before my daughter could get up also. I was doing all these as I wanted to become a successful woman in my career and show the world that complexion doesn’t matter in one’s progress.

For almost 16years, I was very scared and I just accepted what my husband and his family said. I never left or wanted to leave my job. I kept a maid to manage my daughter.

Later, I had to come for interview to Bangalore. I met a co-passenger in flight. I can’t remember his name. I learnt a lot from him in that 2 hours of flight journey. He was a perfect gentleman. I was really so surprised that a man so well behaved like this existed! He was the perfect gentleman. After that conversation, I thought I would explore Bangalore in my new job.

Your spouse agreed for you to shift to Bangalore?

No. He did not agree. There was a big fight and I came to Bangalore with my kid. He and his family used to call and abuse me as I decided to come to Bangalore; but I wanted to get rid of that torture and be on my own and breathe freedom.

I worked very hard and got myself certified in different courses in Software. After a long struggle, I got a good break in my career and there was nothing to stop me after that. God might have planned my life that way. 

My work was recognized and I was appreciated. Whatever projects I did was successful and every one listened to my solutions. God blessed me with success. I started travelling across the globe for work. 

Who helped you in this phase?

My mother. She herself realized the sufferings I underwent in marriage. She helped me when I traveled onsite and  took care of my kid.

Did you miss your father in this times?

Yes, indeed. Many times. He was a genuine person and a good soul. Definitely he would have done something to correct things in my life. I miss him a lot in my life. He encouraged me a lot to study well.

Why did you not think of divorce?

I have a daughter and I’m responsible for her life. I did not want to fight and go back to my mom’s place as I already had enough there. I decided to just put up with him mainly for the sake of my daughter.

How is your relationship with your spouse now?

He is also working in a big firm in a big position. He used to come in weekends to my house. I don't stop the visits.

What is your daughter view on her mom’s life?

I always emphasize & put positive things on her. She is a very independent and broad minded girl. She tells me now to move away from her dad. She has seen lot of things from her childhood. Now,she is able to understand situations and she is able to understand me better.

How is the relationship between your spouse and your daughter?

Not so great from childhood. Now it is getting better as she is also grown up and he has calmed down now compared to our early married life.

What is your strength?

My job is my strength. That only has helped me to face my husband & his family in spite of all these troubles.

How is your current phase of life now?

I have changed 5 companies so far in my 22 years of career experience. I’m earning well now and I feel there is no need of a man for a woman to be happy. I find happiness within myself. I love pets and I’m a member of Animal Welfare. I have my own world and own circle.

Now the world looks at me differently. Children are asked to look at me as a ‘Role Model’. Unknown people calls me to ask what their children should study.

 One of my college mates who called me as ‘Karuppu (dark in Tamil)’ wants to talk to me. My in-laws who scoffed me because of my complexion want to get advice from me. My own family is giving me more importance.

The pretty looking classmates of mine who ignored me once wants to become friend with me now. Now I started respecting my complexion which gave me the trigger to prove myself. I love the way God shaped me and is helping me to carve a niche for myself. Today I stand as a proud ‘Dark lady’ facing the ‘Bright World’ by the grace of God.

What advice you would give to our readers?

To all- Never discourage anyone because of their complexion. This mentality is there in south India still. Color is not a person’s choice. Appreciate their knowledge, character, courage, boldness and studies.

To all women- Focus on reading and keeping yourself updated all the time. Never leave your job till you get complete trust on your man & his family. Job gives you confidence and courage to face the world.

To all men- If you are not ready to take your family responsibilities (wife, kid) please do not marry and spoil a girl’s life. Marriage changes both the lives (Boy and Girl). You should know how to balance your parents and wife. Learn that art. Do not be attached to one side blindly. That always creates a rift.

Bloggers end Note:

This anonymous guest is a very good friend of mine and my role model. Thank you for trusting me and sharing your personal story. I’m sure this would be a very good lesson and experience for all of us.

I have learnt a lot from this interview.